


Ren’s Progeny Being An Absolute Nightmare

by burner-phone (stifled_genius)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux does NOT like kids, Father!Kylo Ren, Gen, Kid Fic, Uncle? Armitage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 16:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18996760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stifled_genius/pseuds/burner-phone
Summary: A saga of 5 parts detailing exactly how Kylo Ren's children are an absolute inconvenience to General Armitage Hux





	Ren’s Progeny Being An Absolute Nightmare

**PART ONE**

Whose stupid fucking idea was it to have infants on a battle class starship anyway? Armitage Hux would have demanded an answer, but knew better than to question the decisions of the Supreme Leader.   
  
He knew better, but he still questioned. Such as why Supreme Leader Snoke even allowed Ren to procreate in the first place. The answer to which Armitage knew without a doubt would forever escape him.   
  
His quarters were very well soundproofed but his public office was not. The office next to Armitage’s had been turned into their nursery. Which would not have been a problem without the added bonus that the nanny droid assigned to the two–there were two of them, twins–was stupendously ineffective.   
  
Armitage covered his ears for a few seconds, seeking relief from the almost synchronized wailing next door. He scowled at the datapad in front of him.   
  
The First Order never took any child under the age of 6. But that didn’t stop Armitage from idly wondering if his father’s subliminal messaging program would work on infants and toddlers.   
  
Of course it would only work if the damn things could shut up for one blasted second.   
  
“Shut them up.” After the third crescendo in wailing, Armitage found himself next door, arms crossed at the nanny droid.   
  
“They refuse to sleep.” The droid did the equivalent of a shrug while rocking the screaming things.   
  
He did not know what possessed him to pick one of them up, perhaps it was a manifestation of the need to get them away from the ineffective nanny droid, but once the thing was in his arms it quieted, cooing and squirming.   
  
He stared at the wrinkled face. Disproportionately large eyes blinked back. It looked barely humanoid at best. Armitage considered it a miracle these things even lasted to age 6.   
  
The twins both had hair as black as Kylo’s covering their heads, which was surprisingly soft as Armitage learned. One of his hands supported the head and neck of the infant. A human life literally in the palm of his hand. The infant’s eyes squished shut, and he felt its breathing slow.   
  
At least one of them had quieted down.   
  
He replaced the first infant, picking the other one up and placing it on his shoulder.   
  
This had the same effect, the second child quieting almost immediately before dozing off.

“Thank you sir.” The droid chirped. Armitage pulled his datapad from his pocket, punching in an order for a new nanny droid. The infant nestled into the collar of his uniform.   
  
The only sounds in the room now were the whirring of the droid and the low hum of the ship around them.   
  
“Freeze.” A troopers voice sounded from behind him, and he heard a blaster cock. “You are not authorized to be in here.”   
  
“That’s ridiculous I have full clearance for all levels!” He hissed. The datapad was slipped into a pocket as Armitage replaced the second infant and glared at the troopers in the doorway.   
  
“Not for this one.” The dark and brooding Kylo Ren was with them, pushing them aside. “What were you doing with my children General?”   
  
“Quieting them.” Armitage scowled. “They’re impeding my productivity.”   
  
“My apologies General. The necessary precautions will be taken to amend this.” Armitage was escorted out of the room to the cacophony of the reawakening infants.

 

Armitage hadn’t thought too much about having children until it was announced that Ren had fathered twins, out of wedlock no less.

He decided he’d want to do it right. A woman of higher born blood, strong genes, preferably beautiful. He’d marry her properly, let her raise their son in the protection of the Order. He’d train his son as Brendol had trained him. It would be a son, the Order possessed the genetic technology to assure that. He would have a hand in checking the baby’s genome sequence, assuring the big would be strong and healthy.

If Supreme Leader Snoke allowed him. The children themselves were another subtle reminder that their Supreme Leader valued Ren over him.   
  
Thankfully, he saw less of Ren’s children after that incident. As far as he knew, they had been transported to a First Order safe house on a distant moon somewhere. A year or so passed, their existence holding an insignificant place in the back of his mind.

That was, until one of the twins stumbled onto the bridge during battle.   
  


**PART TWO**

Armitage had known they were aboard his ship again. Once they were out of the cradle at two years, Ren brought them along wherever he went, much to Armitage’s inconvenience.   
  
He was standing perfectly still, watching the explosions across the dashboard. Ren was deployed out there but they’d lost his signal. He ground his teeth. Ren always did this.   
  
“Ahhhgah!” A shriek sounded from his feet and he cursed in a tongue that was not Basic as he jumped. Looking down he realized he’d almost stepped on the damn thing.

She must have escaped her nanny droid, and crawled all the way to the bridge. He was pretty sure it was the girl, since her hair was tied up in a little ponytail.   
  
“Where is the droid assigned to this child?” He demanded of the room, pointing at the giggling toddler. Most of the officers gave him either terrified or blank looks.   
  
Dealing with children was evidently not in their subliminal programming. He made a mental note to look into amending that.

Armitage swore again, turning back to the screen and barking out orders that were followed with a jumpy unease.   
  
The child started to crawl away, but Armitage nudged her back with his boot, to which she began to cry.   
  
The tension in the room heightened considerably as Armitage continued yelling commands over the wailing of the child. More of their fighters were taken out by Rebel pilots, explosions lighting up the display again.   
  
“Oh blast it-” If it had worked on the infant, perhaps it would work on the two year old.   
  
Armitage scooped up the girl and set her on his hip. She ceased crying immediately, giggling and stretching a chubby finger out to the holo display.   
  
“There’s your father’s ship.” Armitage murmured to her, nodding towards Ren’s custom fighter as it shot across one of their radar screens. Armitage felt something ease up in him now that Ren was back in range. The child giggled again.

When the battle was finished and Ren’s fighter docked safely back on the Finalizer, Armitage brought the girl to meet him, handing Kylo Ren his giggling daughter, who was decidedly in need of a change.   
  
Armitage assigned one of his personal staff to watch both twins after that, at least while they remained on board his ship. The young but capable Petty Officer Thanisson took delight in what was essentially babysitting the two, subjecting Armitage to unprompted, but not wholly unwelcome, updates on them.

 

**PART THREE**

To no one’s surprise, both children expressed Force capability. And once discovered, it meant they, stayed on Snokes boudoir. Thankfully away from Armitage. One Force user was enough for him to deal with.

Though Ren frequented the Supremacy more than the Finalizer now, Armitage and the twins’ communication was shortened to calls and brief meetings a couple times a year.

“I sent you the charts.” Armitage leaned forward at his desk, lacing his fingers together. “You’re raiding a small but hopefully profitable system, untouched by the Republic for almost a century. Simple, get in, collect recruits, collect resources, take over the mines, get out.”

The holographic version on Ren sitting in front of him nodded.

“The recruits you take will come straight to the  _ Absolution _ .”

“Daaaaaaaad!” A shrill voice sounded through the comm. The transmission was interrupted briefly, the figure of Ren wavering. When it refocused Ren had his arms around what Armitage assumed were the twins.

“Sorry.” Ren apologized as the boy jumped up at down.

“Who’s that dad?” He pointed a finger.

“You’ve met General Hux.” Armitage tried to keep a glare off his face as the two giggled and waved.

“My names Miles!” The boy’s voice was a little too loud.

“Hello Miles.” Armitage pressed two fingers to his temple. He’d need a coffee soon. “And who’s the other one?”

“Introduce yourself.” Ren nudged the girl.

“My name’s Padme.” The girl was more shy than he remembered. Then again they were both what now? 5? 6? Old enough for the stormtrooper program.

If Armitage had his way they’d be sent an officer training academy, Force user be damned. The officer academy was for children of ruling families and upper classes of the planets they conquered, allowing some hierarchy to remain for the sake of order. The children would be trained in combat, strategy, and would work for him eventually. But they weren’t his children, and it wasn’t his decision.

“Right kids.” Ren handed them something Armitage couldn’t make out. “Say goodbye to the General.”

“Byeeee!”

“Bye General Hux!” 

The hologram blurred again, leaving the two men alone.

“My apologies General.”

“Apology accepted. They seem like fine children.”

 

**PART FOUR**

Armitage didn’t see the children outside of calls until the beginning of his project almost 3 years later. He’d travelled to the  _ Supremacy  _ to officially present the final plans to the Supreme Leader, and while on board, he was forced to attend a gala hosted on the planet it was docked.

Armitage hated galas. Decorated officers with nameless women giggling on their arms. Expensive alcohol and pills passed from up sleeves. Sparkling lights overhead promising not to reveal the gossip and rumors that flew among the patrons.

Armitage had hated coming to these even as a child, wearing a child size uniform that was always too stiff. His father hated bringing him, he saw no reason to show Armitage off to the other officers. The lights had always been too bright, and despite the room being crowded with people, he’d always felt isolated.

He saw this same feeling expressed on the faces of the twins at the gala. They were sitting alone on one of the couches, faces identical aside from the long hair that was tied in a sleek bun on top of Padme’s head. Miles hair was curly like his fathers, hanging almost in his eyes.

Both of them glanced at him, but made no move or inclination that they recognized him. Armitage turned away at the bequest of being introduced to an officer. At least they had each other.

Phasma never attended these events, as she was literally a glorified storm trooper, but Armitage often wished she could. She could be the pretty girl on his arm, he thought wryly. He never brought women to these events, never bothered. The original dream of finding an upper class wife seemed so distant in the face of his newest project that had been greenlighted.

He hated most of the officers here, knowing most of them hated him. He was given alcohol, a glass he abandoned on a table somewhere.

A scream caught his attention, followed by the sound of shattering glass and a thud.

“Get off of me!” He and most of the other guests whirled around to watch the tail end of one of the officers slamming into the tiled floor, his glass shattering next to him. Standing next to him with her arm outstretched was none other than Ren’s daughter.

Where the hell was Ren when he was needed?

“May, everyone’s looking.” Her brother was at her side in a second, pulling her arm away. Many of the guests turned back, conversation turning to hushed whispers.

“You little-.” The officer stood, the woman he was with fussing over him.

Armitage found himself behind the twins, shooting a glare at the man, recognizing him as Captain Carl Tadbry.

“Can I help you, Captain?” The twins were gently pushed behind him.

“Armitage Hux.” Tadbry’s voice held nothing but pure contempt. “Always weaseling your way into things that are none of your business.”

“Might I suggest you leave a little early. You look a little, slammed at the moment.” Armitage put on his signature sneer.

Tadbry mumbled a curse, but made his way towards the doors.

“Thank you. You’re-” Padme murmured, glancing up at him.

“General Hux. Should I call Re- your father?”

“No. I’ll be ok.”

He led them to the edge of the gala, snapping at a droid to bring them some water.

“I believe Captain Tadbry will regret his decision.” Armitage tried not to think about how quickly and efficiently the girl had slammed him to the ground, most likely using the Force.

“Thanks. It’s weird seeing you not as a hologram.” Padme was smiling now, and Armitage realized she looked nothing like her father when she did. It occurred to him then, she was only half Ren. Her other half belonged to a nameless woman. He wondered if she had even met her mother.

The twins were not unlike Hux in that they were both bastards. The major difference of course was that their father seemed to love them.

Padme was nudged by her brother, his eyes wide as saucers.

“May, you can’t speak to a General like that!”

“Oh!” She flushed. “I’m-”

She was silenced by a wave of his gloved hand.

“With the other officers I would watch your tone but don’t worry about formality with me.” The words he wished he had heard at this age, surrounded by stiff adults showing no external emotion.

That brightened them up, and they kicked their legs eagerly under their seats. Even the boy seemed to relax when he met Hux’s eyes.

“Father told us you were designing a huge cannon!” Miles’ face was lit up, his dark eyes practically shining. Armitage froze, not knowing what to say. How much did they know? Why would they know about weapons of mass destruction in the first place?

So he coughed, awkwardly.

“Indeed.” He nodded. The faces of both twins lit up. “It’s going to be the size of a planet.”

“Woah!”

“I’ve only been on 3 planets!”

“I’ve been on 4!”

“Only because I was sick!”

“How many planets have you been on General?”

“Twice as many as you two put together.” He smirked as he took another sip of water. The two went off, trying to do the math, Padme declaring the answer first, Miles only a fraction of a second behind her.

“General.” A modded voice spoke behind him.

“Ren.” His face fell into a blank expression.

“Entertaining my children?”

“Dad! Some guy tried to grab Padme but then she slammed him on the ground!” Miles hopped down, clinging to his father’s cloak.

“Is this true?” Ren turned to Armitage, a hand finding its way to his daughter’s cheek.

“Yes, and Captain Tadbry will be dealt with accordingly.”

“Good.” Their eyes met briefly, and Armitage nodded in acknowledgment.

He was about to step away, leave the children with the man who was supposed to be raising them, but he realized someone was wrapped around his waist.

“Padme, leave the General alone.”

“No, it’s- alright.” Armitage patted her shoulder awkwardly. “She’s had a- night.”

“Take care General.” She murmured once she released him.

“Bye General!” Miles called as Armitage walked away, glass still in hand.

 

**PART FIVE**

It took three years to finish Starkiller, his crowning glory. A giant machine, representative of the very Order itself. Ren was to act as a co commander for it, and it would take over as a training facility for training soldiers, meaning Phasma would take over part of it.. He could work with both his closest friend and his closest enemy.

The twins, now around 11 or 12, Armitage guessed, had arrived to the weapons test.

“Ren.” He greeted the familiar hulking figure of the Knight. “How are they?” Both men glanced towards the children, watching Padme try to push Miles’s curly hair back in its place, only for it to spring to the side again.

“He’s more powerful but she’s faster with the Force.” Ren sighed, watching the scene devolve into an argument. “They fight a lot now. I think I’ll have to separate them. I was thinking of leaving one here, Supreme Leader permitting of course.”

“As long as they behave.” Hux rolled his eyes briefly, watching Padme reach out to hit her brother.

They’d stood at his side when he’d made the speech to christen Starkiller. They’d watched in awe as the Hosnian System had been completely eradicated.

When Starkiller went down, they were at his side once again, though for very different reasons. 

As soon as the base had been breached, Armitage had been given one order. Remove the children from the conflict immediately. He’d sent Thanisson to rouse them from their rooms, as his base crumbled around him. Ren was gone, he didn’t know where, and he was doing his best to make sure they could access an escape pod.

Padme had burst into the bridge, half dressed in a uniform, visibly angry and tired.

“Where’s our father?” She clenched her fists and looked up at him, shivering.

“He can take care of himself.” Armitage assured her. “Now go get in an escape pod.”

“No! I want to find him!” She demanded.

“Don’t make me have you dragged off this ship.” He glared at her, grabbing her wrist.

“No! I want to go find him!” Padme stomped her foot, the floor cracking underneath it. 

“Fine. Fine.” Armitage felt a terrible cold encase his mind, Supreme Leader Snoke whispering in his head.

_ Forget Ren. Get the twins off of the base NOW! _

Armitage held back a heavy string of curses and dragged her down the hall with him.

“If you want to help do exactly as I say. Where is your brother?” 

“He was in one of the pods-”

“I’m here!” Miles appeared in front of them. Thanisson was behind him, looking terrified.

“Miles if you want to get your father you will do exactly as I say.”

“Yessir!” He saluted. Armitage was met by a squad of troopers in the hangar, and the entire group took one of the armored transport pods. Thanisson took the pilot’s chair, and Armitage brought up a map of the surface.

“Ren’s last ping is on here somewhere,” He put a few numbers and a password into the display, and a red dot surfaced, before blipping out.”

“What’s going on?” Padme stepped forward.

“Lost signal. He could be anywhere. Don’t talk I’m thinking.” Armitage started triangulating where they’d lost the signal, narrowing the area down.

“General Hux? Me and Miles can find him with the Force!” She tugged on his sleeve. Armitage opened his mouth, then sighed as the base shook.

“Thanisson get us in the air now!”

He pulled up the map of the base, as well as live feed from a satellite showing the rapid destruction.

Padme and Miles joined hands, and Padme scanned the map. Armitage was completely silent as she worked, telling directions to Thanisson.

They found him in minutes, and Padme looked increasingly exhausted. She was pushing herself too far Armitage guessed, from the little he knew about Force users.

“He’s in eyesight sir.” Thanisson reported, and Armitage turned off the map.

“Padme?” Her brother nudged her, and she rubbed her eyes.

“Let her be.” Armitage pushed the troopers aside so she could lie down. Miles sat down next to her, and he heard the kid murmur “May, you did it, you found him.”

He was pretty sure they hadn’t seen the view of their father lying in a pool of blood in the snow. His instructions were to bring them to the Supreme Leader safe, and twins hysterical from grief did not factor into successfully completing that objective.

If anything he wished they were screaming infants again, calmed only by picking them up. Miles yell was nothing close to an infant’s when Armitage had the troopers bring their unconscious father onboard. Thanisson lifted them towards the Finalizer, and a trooper was kneeling beside Ren, pressing gauze to the fresh wound slicing his face in two.

“Is he gonna die?” Miles was at his side, watching intently.

“It’ll take more than this to kill him,” Armitage pulled the boy away from the scene to the other side of the ship. “Unfortunately.”   


“What?” The boy frowned.

“Nothing. How’s your sister?”

“She’s completely knocked out for now. She’s better at using the Force than I am, but I can use it without getting tired.”

“Stay with her.” Armitage found himself draping his coat over the sleeping girl. “Come find me when she wakes up.”

“Yessir.” Miles promptly sat next to the girl.

If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t have bothered. But because these children were children of Ren’s and therefor children of emotion, he supposed some sort of praise was in order.

“You both did well. I’m sure the Supreme Leader will be pleased.”

At least Armitage hoped the Supreme Leader would be pleased with his efforts to keep the whole nightmare that was the Ren family intact.


End file.
